Dear Ms. Lohan,

I regret to inform you that your alcohol abuse, drug abuse and reckless driving has NOT provided you the positive media coverage you so desire. We, the people of Orange County, would like to see you get your freckles re-applied, gain 30 pounds, bring back your cute red hair, and get into some intense counseling.

Although you did make an attempt to prove to us by wearing an alcohol-house-arrest-charm-anklet, getting arrested again truly doesn't look good. We still adore you; I mean, who didn't love you in The Parent Trap? Who didn't love you in Mean Girls? But...was Rachel McAdams mean to you while filming? How about Jamie Lee Curtis, did she freak you out?...(pun intended).

Ms. Lohan, we have had to place you under the unfortunate celebrity category with Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Elizabeth Taylor, Tara Reid, Michael Jackson, and Whitney Houston.

Please take this not as an insult, but as a hint to PLEASE get your life together so we can STOP reading and hearing about you all over the flippin world wide web.
Thank you,
Ange