12.02.2008

How Christian is Your Cubicle?

I wish I were the genius to think this up...but I'm not. I got it from the Stuff Christians Like blog. Brilliant!!!

In a few weeks, they’re moving my department at work and everyone is talking about what type of cubicles we’ll get. Will they have high walls or short walls? Will there be cabinets or drawers or neither? Will we be in a high foot traffic area or tucked away off a back alley where it’s quiet? Will we be close enough to the break room to smell microwave popcorn or far enough away that whoever heats up seafood in the toaster oven can’t cover us in a blanket of funk? This is a time of great questions in cubicle land, but the only one I have is:

How Christian will my cubicle be?

It’s a fair question. Some people use their cubicles as tiny little sanctuaries, bedazzling every flat surface with Jesus memorabilia. Other people use their cubicles as conversation starters with coworkers, “Oh what this? That’s just an old Bible I keep around. Speaking of the Bible, would you like to accept Jesus into your heart before we go to the next staff meeting?” But how do you know if it’s enough? How can you be certain your cubicle is holy? If only there were a score sheet, if only there were an easy way to tally all your cubicle Christianity points up quickly. If only there were a…

Christian Cubicle Point System:

1. You removed one of your three cubicle walls and replaced it with a Thomas Kinkade painting. = +5 points

2. You have a souvenir from your mission trip in your cubicle. = +2 points

3. It was a “fun mission trip” e.g., you were witnessing to people on the beach in Hawaii or skiers at Aspen. = 0 points

4. Your mouse is shaped like a Jesus fish. = +1 point

5. You have a local Christian radio station playing at all times. = +1 point

6. You have a loop of sermon podcasts playing at all times. = +2 points

7. You have that Carman song with the devil cameo playing at all times. = +3 points

8. You have Joshua 24:15 hung up and crossed out “As for me and my house” and instead wrote, “As for me and my cubicle.” = +1 point

9. It’s cross stitched = +2 points

10. You got rid of your office chair and instead sit in a tiny section of pew you got from a church they were tearing down. = +3 points

11. You removed the number 6 from your keyboard to prevent ever accidentally slipping and typing 666. = + 1 point

12. You have a Bible in your cubicle in plain sight. = +1 point

13. It’s the King James Version = +2 points

14. It’s displayed open on a stand carved from a piece of driftwood you found on the beach during a retreat = +3 points

15. You have a choir "cubicle robe" that you change into when you get back to your desk similar to how Mr. Rogers used to put on a different sweater when he got home. = +4 points

16. One of your drawers is filled with holy water just in case someone wants to get baptized by dunking their head in the drawer above the file folders. = + 5 points

17. You have a sticker that reads. “In case of rapture, this cubicle will be unmanned.” = +1 point

18. During the Christmas cubicle decoration contest you always set up a nativity scene in your cubicle. = +1 point

19. It’s a “live scene” so during the three weeks before Christmas you dress like one of the wise men. = +2 points

20. It includes live animals. = +3 points

21. You nicknamed your cubicle something cool like most youth group rooms, e.g. “da’ zone,” or “xTreme.” = + 2 points

22. In the corner of your whiteboard you have the numbers 4:13 written to subtly remind yourself of Philippians 4:13. = +1 point

23. You wrote out the whole verse on your whiteboard = +2 points

24. Whenever someone comes in your cubicle, you do push ups while reciting, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” = +3 points

25. When people come to gossip, you join in, but always say, “Bless her heart” or “I mean that in Christian love” = +1 point

26. Coworkers know to come to your cubicle for advice, encouragement and communion wafers because you’ve got a whole bag of em’ in the bottom drawer. =+1 point

27. You have a little computer monitor mirror that helps you see behind you and on it in whiteout you wrote, “I see you and so does Jesus.” = +1 point

28. You have that poster of the cat hanging from a rope with the caption, “Hang in there” to encourage the people around you. = +2 points

29. You crossed out “hang in there” because you thought it was too wishy washy and that cat was kind of a heathen. Instead you scribbled “hang onto Jesus." = +4 points

30. You have a decomposing palm branch from Palm Sunday in your cubicle. = +2 points for each branch.

31. You’ll only hang up your kid’s artwork in your cubicle if it’s something they colored at Sunday school. Clifford and Sesame Street aren’t making the cut. = +1 point

32. You’re not above taking a love offering if more than two people are gathered in your cubicle at the same time. = +1 point

33. You take great offense at the parade of Christian stereotypes presented in this list and printed out the post as a reminder to pray for me = +2 points

How did you score? My current cubicle ranked a sweaty Philistinish 3 points. I’m ashamed of it and me, but mostly it.

If you scored over a 40, you’re working in what I call a “Tempicle.” (Yeah, that’s right, I just mixed the word temple and cubicle.) Under 10 and you’re begging for an ergonomic lightning bolt from heaven.

So what did you score? Are you in the equivalent of a work Vatican? How holy is your cubicle? And are there any categories I missed?

How Christian is your cubicle? Add up your points!

3 comments:

Two First Names said...

I laughed at this, harder than I should have. All I could think about was, Oh I have seen that at sonshine and wondered who would ever buy that?

Phil Chenery said...

"as for me and my cubicle" crossed stitched is awesome!

I have a large pop-art picture of a cartoon fist punching the air - probably don't get many points for that.

PETE Di LALLO said...

A funny post to read...loved it even if it was sorta long...

Lucky for me I have a corner office with outside looking windows on two sides and an interior window looking into the a small mass of cubicles...
you might ask what I have on the one and only wall, OK...
a picture of Bum and me
several pictures of my daughters and grandchildren
a small calendar
a jury summons for Jan 5
a job number list
landscape architecture licenses
and a picture of Julie and me at a Dodger ball game...
and most of the wall is bare