can't contain myself.

I always tend to put parts of my life into categories -- containers if you will: friends, family, work, fun, location, school, etc. I even go deeper than that: work friends, work friends with fun, family fun, family fun holiday, school friends fun (you get the picture--you should see how I organize my photos on my computer.) When the merging of all my containers start to collide, two different emotions emerge: it makes me incredibly anxious and incredibly excited all at the same time.

I love the variety and random parts of my life, I've said this before -- but I'm very consistent about being inconsistent. This is not intentional. I need some sort of routine in my life, even if it's always drinking coffee in the morning or eating a certain thing whenever I'm traveling. Whatever it is, the irony about me is that I can't avoid the inconsistency and I love surprises (more than anything!) but I have strong instinct to find and remain in routine.

If you're confused, don't worry. As I type this I just got more confused.

I'm glad parts of my life don't remain in their container. I think that's why weddings and funerals always end up being fun -- because of the uniting of all our containers. One of my favorite parts about traveling around the US is seeing people from different stages in my life, it's another example of my location and age containers merging together.

What I don't love is the containers I don't get to open that often, like my family and close friends. I've kept the work container open consistently for the past several months, but my relationships have suffered as a result.

The big question is: how do you know when to close a container for good? How do you know when it's time to abandon a routine? Other than a few specific instances, I've always followed my instinct. But in reality, sometimes I choose not to follow my instinct because of my selfish ambition or selfish attitude -- and this is where God's grace intervenes on my behalf.

I wish I could say I've learned a huge lesson here, but not yet. I feel like I'm on the road to discovering what it could be; but either I'm not mentally and emotionally prepared for what God wants to reveal, or the answer is sitting in front of me and I'm choosing to ignore it.

Whatever it is, I'm excited to figure it out and open up my family and friends container again very soon!

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