8.21.2008

Welcome to the State of Limbo

Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing I usually respond with 'great!' or something similar. To be completely honest, my 'great' response these past couple months has been filled with little lies. It's been a hard July and August...full of doubt, trepidation, uncertainty, fear, anxiety and sadness. There have been a couple of other seasons in my life where I've felt like this...all feels vaguely similar.

On the flip side, it's also been an August of surprise, happiness, relief, and anticipation. I've actually been joyful and optimistic and cheerful and very intentional in the midst of it all.

These type of thoughts and feelings arise when big transition is going to take place in my life. It's fear of the unknown...terrifying yet so exciting. I can't quite put my finger on the transition (yet I have some ideas), but I know it's big. Possibly even life changing, which is cool.

I have an odd sense of peace. Even though I don't fully understand it and can't pinpoint it, I feel peace that God is in control--and I have absolutely no say in the matter. I think the peace is from understanding that I'm transitioning into a season of transition. My unsettleness is not just me being discontent or unhappy--it's legitimate and real.

Being in limbo sucks, but knowing that you're in limbo is half the battle.

2 comments:

Julie Hibbard said...

I have lived in Limbo--on several occasions--throughout my life. And quite often over these last few years. You and I should get together periodically just to help each other keep on keeping on during our Limbo visits!
The trick is to keep going, of course you know that. The THOUGHT that keeps me going is 'STAY CURIOUS'...There has got to be something more than this.
God knows our hopes and dreams, right? He knows the desires of my heart. I am excited to see His plan for EACH of us, Ange! I guess it is more than just opening a children's building or running games at camp. That was then. What now?
Stay curious.

The Reed's Adoption Journey said...

Thought on LIMBO....
funny you use that word. My first thought was roller skating (yes the 4 wheel kind of skate) and laughing my head off but wanting so bad to WIN for once. One thing about limbo you can NOT play alone. You are not alone either. I believe at the end you your game of limbo you will be a winner. You have blessed and impacted so...many lives in ALL the seasons of your life this far. Its hard sometimes to be in that fog of "what is next" but your listening to God even when the fog is thick. He will see you through the other side. just hold on and scream!!!!!!! I love you Ange. Thank you for your leadership into some of the scariest rides of MY life. im always praying.